Free Concert at Guitar Center
Date: 2009-04-12, 6:46PM EDT
This is a special thanks to all of the guys that put on a free concert at guitar center everyday, we appreciate everything you do for our community. Like when I go in to actually purchase something, you come sit right next to me and play your "top shelf" ibanez through any solid state monster in the store, and show me how fast you can tap. Or like when I am asking someone a question and you stepped up to the plate and instead tell us all how incredible your band is. Another reason I am so impressed by you guys, is how you find time to come to guitar center every day when you're always out on the road touring. It's already pretty hard to sift through the wealth of knowledge available behind the counter, but when you add your countless years of experience in to the equation, there is no end.
Another way that you guys have changed my life is through my use of equipment. Over the years I've always thought that boutique pedals and custom tube configurations really contributed to my overall tone, yet you proved me wrong. Just from watching you play both measures you know from Free Bird, I learned that all I really need is a digitech floor board or a line 6 product to get the job done. Just hearing you guys really shred on your speed metal makes me wonder why people still listen to bands like The Beatles, Coldplay or U2.
Thanks again for all you've done for me personally, you've really taught me that everything I thought I knew must be wrong, I am forever in debt to you. Because of this, I am now looking for a new drummer. Currently my drummer plays with a metronome and is way to solid and tasteful, consider him gone! If you are one of those guys in the drum dept. that knows that fast double bass is so much more important than keeping time, you're the one for me. So what if you don't own a drum set and therefore never practice, who needs practice when you're a prodigy? Who care's if you came in 7th place at last years drum off, the judges were conspiring against you.
Last but not least, I am also holding auditions for a bass player. Currently my bass player plays through this stupid little ampeg 8x10 cab & head with a few vintage fender basses, and all he knows how to do is stay with the kick drum. Who cares that he's never made a mistake, or that he could write a book on music theory, what matters is that he can't slap. If there's one thing that can make any passionately slow song sound even better, that would be slap bass. So what if these pocket bass players like Adam Clayton are living in mansions and you're working at the mall, you know that slap bass is what's gonna bring in the big bucks. don't worry, you'll get your chance, the world won't know what hit'em.
thanks again!
Frankenpick
Date: 2007-10-19, 9:08AM CDT
Latest offering smuggled from the former Soviet Union, this pick utilizes old Russian nuclear laser technology. Strap on the convenient Velcro micro-unit, plug into any 1200 Watt power supply, and aim the solar panels directly at the sun and dial in the guitar style of your choice.
From Chet Atkins to Duane Allman, guitar herodom is literally at your fingertips. The micro sensors process the bass and drum beats and submit a series of small electrical shocks directly into your nervous system causing you to involuntarily crank out searing leads.
A word of caution: actual electrical discharges my vary, and side affects could include erratic blues face, trembling of the hips commonly known as Presley syndrome, drooling and involuntary anal discharge. In extreme cases, you may be mistaken for a drummer.
Local sales only. Cash only. Contact your health care professional if erection last more than 6 hours. No scammers please
air guitar
Date: 2007-09-11, 5:09PM PDT
left handed vintage air guitar for free all thats needed is new strings and a good dusting.
Rant: Selling musical gear on Craigslist
Date: 2006-10-01, 11:52PM PDT
Over the past couple of years, I've sold off a lot of the assorted musical gear I collected from years of playing in rock-'n-roll bands and whatnot. Most of the Happening Contestants who I've sold things to are cool and normal, but I've constructed the following rant from real-life experiences:
1. 'Local pickup only' means you come over to my place, not vice versa. Also, it doesn't mean 'pickup in the parking lot of a shopping center in San Leandro.' This is not a hostage exchange.
2. In a like vein, 'local pickup only' doesn't mean I'm going to drive over and give you a ride to my place and then give you *and* the 50-pound guitar amp you just bought from me a ride back to your place. It means you have to get yourself to my place, get your new squawk toy out of my life forever, and then go away (nothing personal, but you know what I mean). If you don't have a car, then you'd better borrow cousin Dwayne's El Camino, there, champ, or I'll sell the item in question to the extremely hung over person who called five minutes ago, if he shows up, that is.
3. 'Cash only' doesn't mean 'dime bag.' If I wanted you to pay me in weed, I would have written 'weed only' in the ad, there, Beavis.
4. Likewise, 'cash only' does not mean a personal check. I don't take checks from musicians, no way, nohow. Why? Because I'm a musician and I know full well what walking financial disasters we can become at any moment.
4. No, you can't take the '79 Les Paul today and come by with the cash tomorrow. Hmm, let's see... 'Double Your IQ or No Money Back'? Okay, sounds like a good deal!
5. No, you can't take the '79 Les Paul today and come back with *the rest of* the cash tomorrow, either.
6. It's 2006. Why the f--- don't you have a cellphone?
7. Peppering me with emails demanding everything in the ad for half the price I've advertised it for might be validating for you, but for me, it's just annoying. We will not be haggling over a ten-year-old fuzzbox - either buy it or don't. Oh, and I'm not giving you a ride (see above).
8. Since used gear is sold under the tacit assumption of 'as is, no warranty,' no, I'm not going to sign a document *handwritten by you* swearing that the ten-year-old fuzzbox you just bought from me for thirty bucks (see above) won't blow up, melt, or fall apart in the next two years, you windbag.
9. When you call for directions to my place, you can rattle off a detailed list of all the errands you're going to run before you come over if you want to, but dude, I have to tell you that I'm not writing any of this down.
And finally...
10. No, you can't have something to eat!
Chicks will dig you with this black Stratocaster!
Date: 2002-04-26, 10:10AM PDT
Guys: striking out with the ladies? Try accesorizing! How many times have you tried to get a girls phone number and failed because you didn't have a slick black U.S. made Fender Stratocaster strapped onto your shoulder?
This guitar was made in the early '90's and is well handsome. Here is a picture:
www.blablabla.com/
It includes a "hard case" (awww, yeah!) and a whammy bar! (if you know what I mean, wink wink!).
Also, this guitar was once played by movie star Gary Busey at a celebrity event in Telluride, Colorado. Busey, having once played "Buddy Holly" in the movies, still knew all the old Holly tunes, and his band was attending this event that my band was payed handsomely to play. During the break, he asked if he could do some songs, and who were we to say no? I don't have any pictures or anything, you're just going to have to believe me.
So don't delay! It's friday - let's get it on! Don't spend another weekend alone!
Oh, I suppose I could get maybe $500 for it? Or whatever. Just buy it already. I have to sell it because I got married and my old lady is sick of having all these girls hit on me because of my sexy guitar.
-Ajax
ps. If you are a woman, please do a "global search and replace" on this message, replacing all instances of "guys" with "ladies" and vice versa. I guarantee that this guitar has an equal opportunity, non-sexist amount of sex-appeal.
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